Letting Grace In

Wednesday Wisdom. Letting Grace In. 

This month, I continue exploring the theme of Living Our Graces, inviting us to reflect upon and notice how and where grace is acting in our daily lives. I find that at times marriage is as fragile, as it is strong. Over the weekend, my husband and I spent Sunday afternoon sitting in our garden, enjoying some snacks, and admiring the different roses that were blooming on our bushes and vines. It was all very pleasant, and relaxing, until we started talking about some difficult issues, around work frustrations and personal habits that needed modifying. We ended up having a serious disagreement, which left us both feeling absolutely awful and drained.

On Monday. we both went to work, came home and made dinner, and apologized to each other, but the wound from feeling hurt was still tender. Then, on Tuesday, as I was swimming in the pool after work, I reflected on what had happened. As I was doing the backstroke, I began praying the Our Father, and the words forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us went right into my heart. I felt my body trembling. Dear God, soften my heart, I prayed.

I continued swimming, praying to let go of being hurt, so that I could more clearly speak to my husband about what was really concerning me: my concern for his health issues and his need to take care of himself; and my concern for the ways I was managing my internal pressure and stress.

This was a moment of grace moving through me. I stayed with it. I prayed and swam, allowing grace to move through me. I truly believe that we must respond to the Spirit how and when it comes, and sometimes swimming is place of prayer for me.

As I continued, stroke after stroke, I engaged in a modified form of a practice called Metta Meditation, which you can read more about here. It is a powerful and healing practice that invites us to pray with loving kindness for ourselves and others.

First, I slowly and mindfully repeated the following phrases, saying each one several times, until I could feel them in my heart:

• May I be happy;
• May I be safe;
• May I be healthy;
• May I be at peace.

Then, I visualized my husband and mindfully said each phrase, slowly, until I felt each one in my heart.

• May you be happy;
• May you be safe;
• May you be healthy;
• May you be at peace.

I really like this practice, because it’s a way of creating more peace and unity with others when you are experiencing conflict and division.When I got out of the pool, I could feel my heart had softened. I could sense the power of forgiveness in my body.

Later that evening, before we went to bed, I shared my experience at the pool with my husband. We each said, “I’m sorry for hurting you.” We both realized that we needed to take more responsibility for ourselves.

The journey of softening our hearts and of forgiveness is a journey of letting grace in.